WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT STRESS AND FERTILITY
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When it comes to understanding infertility and stress you’ve probably been thinking about it all wrong. I've got a video to let you know what you didn't know you need to know!
In this video you’ll learn.
Two super-common mindsets about stress and fertility
The science-backed and holistic 3rd mindset that’s so much better
Why stress research is tricky
How to start to apply mindset #3 and instantly help your fertility and your life
Watching this video about stress is gonna make your stress level go down — I promise!
With much love,
Nicole
Nicole Lange
LICENSED ACUPUNCTURIST
HOLISTIC FERTILITY EDUCATOR
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Today I want to talk about why the two ways most people have learned to think about fertility stress is not so great, why it's definitely hurting you, and why it can even decrease overall pregnancy odds too.
I'm Nicole Lange creator of The Baby You Want online fertility program, and in the more than 15 years I've been exclusively working in the field of holistic fertility and trauma work I've seen that there tends to be mostly two, count them two, ways that the subject of stress and fertility are thought about.
Now in one camp, we'll call this the 'F-you stress doesn't matter' camp, a person might say something like, "This is a freaking medical condition! And yes I'm stressed and you are clueless if you don't understand why. And to suggest otherwise is downright inappropriate and insulting to me."
Here, the Instagram post might say, "No, I don't need to relax." Hashtag mind your business.
Now this camp is totally understandable because infertility is definitely complicated and definitely biological. And random outside people telling you cliche stories and suggesting a vacation is the key to getting pregnant are crossing all sorts of boundaries.
It's insulting. It's hurtful. It's way way over-simplistic.
But here's the problem with the 'F-you stress doesn't matter' camp. At the end of the day this view of stress ultimately feeds into the mindset that fertility stress shouldn't be questioned or challenged. And that you just have to grit your teeth and bear the misery of infertility because it's normal, stress doesn't really matter, and you need to focus on reproductive biology alone.
And that hurts you.
In camp number two, let's call this one the 'F-me I have to conquer my stress or else' camp, a person might instead say something like, "Oh no. I'm screwing myself over because I can't magically stop feeling stressed and it's ruining my chance of getting pregnant because I'm not zen enough."
Here or the Instagram post says hashtag calm and receptive, but it probably should say hashtag stressed about stress.
Now compassionately, this F-me camp number two makes a ton of sense too. We live in this culture that worships positivity, villainizes genuine but hard human emotions, and we're all steeped in this culture that tells women in particular that we have to be worthy and deserving and "good," whatever that means, in all sorts of messed up not true ways.
The problem with this mindset is it feeds into self-blame, guilt, and shame. It makes us feel like we're failing when we're just being human. And the truth is no matter how hard you try you will be stressed when you're going through fertility struggles because infertility is crazy stressful.
So in totally radically different ways this mindset hurts us too.
So if these two camps are both understandable but hurtful, what's the better option? Stick with me. Here's what you're about to learn.
I'll teach you a third option for thinking about fertility stress and show you why stress matters for fertility, but not in the ways you probably think about it. Explain why fertility and stress research is tricky. And give you two specific next steps to work with this stress option number three and totally win.
A big problem with the two infertility and stress mindsets that I just outlined is they're all-or-nothing and not rooted in actual science. Either stress gets all the power or stress gets no power at all when the reality is much more nuanced and individual.
To show you what I mean I want to tell you a quick little story.
Now I was once hanging out in an RE doctor's office while a woman I was giving acupuncture to for her embryo transfer was resting with her needles in. I asked this doctor if she minded if I would look through her $400 reproductive endocrinology textbook, which I yes, was totally coveting and yes, did look up the price online. And she said, "Sure, go ahead."
Of course, being a holistic fertility practitioner I spend a ton of time working on emotions and stress and mind body connections. It's my job to make those connections and care for the whole person and protect their quality of life. But this RE's job and her training are to reductionistically care for just the person's reproductive parts. So I was super curious to see what, if anything, this book was going to have to say about stress.
So I slipped to the glossary, found the right page. I honestly was pretty impressed that there was one. And when I went and read it, it was pretty much the best take on stress and fertility I've ever seen. It basically said this.
Humans are animals. And we know from many animal studies, especially from our closest animal relatives from primate studies, that lots of different types of stress can negatively influence reproduction. From changing diets and caloric restriction to overwork to emotional distress. Overall levels of fertility do absolutely go down with increased stress.
But, and this is huge, we also clearly see from animal studies that each individual within a species seems to have their own threshold for reproducing under different types of stress. And it's not the same threshold for every individual.
For example some gorillas brought into captivity continue to reproduce like it's no big deal while others completely stop even when you can't find any obvious biological cause.
So some bodies want a bigger safety net while others are totally fine without one. And the reality is some people in that 'F-you stress doesn't matter' camp are bound to be stress-sensitive while others are going to be stress-tolerant. Ditto for the people in the 'F-me I need to conquer my stress' camp.
And if we're being all or nothing and either way, we're not getting nearly as nuanced and individualized as we could or should be. And some of each group is completely missing the mark for their particular type of body.
Now you can't change which type of body and level of sensitivity to stress you have, but you can change how you think about it and work with stress. Which will help your quality of life at the very least, and will also help your fertility a ton if you're in that stress-sensitive camp.
So here's the third and by far most scientifically accurate and holistically helpful way to think about fertility stress. I call this stress option number three.
When it comes to reproductive specific outcomes stress isn't the only thing or even the biggest thing for some people and bodies. But it's one of the only things you can directly control and it can be a big deal.
Camp number three is 'F-no one, we're getting customized and science-based'. Hashtag nuanced. Hashtag empowered.
If you do a search and you look at stress reduction and infertility research you'll see that the results often come out pretty unconvincing. With stress option three in mind, now we can see that's actually what we should expect.
In any given study there's bound to be some participants who are highly stress-sensitive, some that are average stress-sensitive, and some that aren't sensitive to stress at all. Now if they're all mixed together in one study on stress reduction, the stress reduction technique or the treatment will be super helpful to the stress-sensitive people but make little to no difference for the stress-tolerant ones.
Now those two groups will basically cancel each other out. And the studies going to look like stress reduction isn't particularly useful or necessary.
If we had a way to isolate just the people who are most stress-sensitive you'd see that stress reduction techniques and treatments would make a huge difference here in this group. But there's no way we can test for this or tell so here we are.
And yes the stress-sensitive people are probably the people who just 'give up' or 'go on vacation' and get pregnant. Now you can see why those stories exist.
The other thing that makes stress and fertility research really tricky is the issue of which came first, the fertility issues or the stress.
The common take is if infertility came first doesn't that mean that stress is not the root cause and so it's not necessary to really worry about it or work on it. Again, I get the logic here. But we do know that stress does a lot of less-than-ideal things to a human body in general. Inflammation, mental health concerns, relationship strains, and hormonal shifts.
One study published in the December 2020 Journal of Neuroscience confirmed that we have a type of nerve cells near the base of our brains called RFRP neurons and they become activated in stressful situations, and then directly suppress the reproductive system.
So even if stress is not the primary cause, as it increases, all the ripples that it definitely makes in the body probably make infertility even more complicated and uphill to treat and work with for everyone.
And even if for argument's sake we want to argue that it doesn't matter at all for pregnancy outcomes, it still straight up sucks to feel stressed up to your eyeballs month after month, maybe even year after year, and deal with that whole list of crummy stressful side effects. We're being total jerks if we suggest stress doesn't matter.
Women trying to conceive for two years have anxiety and depression levels that rival women with cancer.
Women who do fertility treatments have been shown to meet the diagnostic criteria for PTSD just shy of 50% of the time and that's with or without a baby in the end.
Isolation and relationship strains in infertility are huge. Lack of confidence as a parent after infertility is huge.
I hope this is starting to feel super clear but I'm going to say it. Even if stress is absolutely and totally secondary to infertility, and even if you don't have the type of body where stress reduction is going to directly impact your fertility outcomes as much, of course stress still matters. Because you are a person and you shouldn't have to suffer like this. And there is an alternative and you should choose it.
Okay so with option three stress gets some power, not all or nothing. And we now understand that stress is probably a bigger fertility deal for some than for others. But from a human experience point of view it's a big darn deal for everyone. So what do you do next? Where do I begin?!
I mean the reality is I've created a three month online evidence-based holistic fertility program that is all about facing infertility from this point of view and this perspective and really learning how to thrive in this hard hard place. I can absolutely teach you how to reframe and work with all this fertility stress and confusion and overwhelm in very doable ways.
Of course I would love for you to join The Baby You Want program. But I know that can feel like a bit of a leap. So if you're not sure just yet I want you to start with something that is just too easy not to do next.
I want you to do two more totally free videos and start trying out some of the ideas and the techniques that work within this framework and start to see how it actually feels.
First, head to thebabyyouwant.com and sign up for the free Single Biggest Concept video on that homepage. You'll get instant access to a radical big concept that totally jives with stress option number three. When you sign up you'll instantly get that free video but you'll also get just a handful of follow-up emails with exercises, guided meditations, and more. They all go together. Do them. Again, I really want you to start to see how this feels and how easy and intuitive it all is.
I also want you to go and watch the Tipping Your Stress Scales video which is on this YouTube channel. Most people try to get rid of their stress and then feel bad when they can't, because again, you can't. This video gives you three concrete steps that are going to work with your stress and make it feel totally different without having to change it, or get rid of it, or fix anything.
You'll see. It works. It's easy. And if you're the stress-sensitive type of person it might make an extra big difference for you.
Here's what we just covered.
Stress option number three 'F-no one'. Now you can get nuanced and science-based and holistic too.
Why fertility and stress research is tricky. Stress-sensitive and stress-tolerant people are often going to cancel each other out in studies and the argument that stress comes after infertility gets in the way. Even if that's a hundred percent the case, stress still matters.
And how to work with stress option three and win. Please know that there are so many ways to take this third take on stress and fertility and cultivate so many awesome reframes and skills that are going to make your life feel better and help your fertility too.
Get and watch the Single Biggest Concept video at thebabyyouwant.com and check out the Tipping Your Stress Scales video here on the YouTube channel too. If you want more you know I've got the entire program just waiting for you. Prioritize this. You are so worth this investment.
I'm so glad you took this time. I'm so glad you're curious and open to these new ideas and these big big reframes. As always, remember I'm out in the world cheering you on and rooting for you every single step of the way. Hashtag option three for the win. Hashtag you've got this.
It’s an absolute game-changing fertility reframe.