THE "MOTHER" LODE
Realistic birth prep & postpartum expectations are key.
What an exciting (and nerve-wracking) time this is! You’re at the brink of meeting your little one and the next phase of your journey. Here’s a whole bunch of goodies to set you up for success — both physically and emotionally — as you leap into the unknown.
This post focuses on preparing to be a mom/parent and setting realistic expectations for the first days and weeks of parenting. If you’re still exploring birthing questions I highly recommend you check out Evidence Based Birth and strongly recommend looking into hiring a non-judgy wonderful doula — of course I’m happy to be a resource and talk things through too!
My favorite newborn phase mantras.
"Sanity over ideology."
Think you were never going to co-sleep, but your baby won't sleep unless she's glued to you? Think you are going to co-sleep but every time your sleeping baby makes a peep it wakes you up and you get no sleep? There are so many examples where you think you're going to do one thing, but it doesn't really work for your baby and your body and life, so pick sanity over ideology and you'll do great! Keep checking back on this one - it's a keeper.
"Breathe into the intensity."
This is a really good one for both birth itself and those crazy, topsy-turvy days and learning curves. Surrender! It's like this now - and it's gonna be a little intense at times.
Birth fact: The average birth includes about 15 hours of contractions and a few minutes to a few hours of pushing. When you add up all the time actually spent in contractions it comes to right around 3 hours… so even though birth is intense during contractions and pushing, it’s typically about 3 hours of intensity spread out over 15-18 hours.
Realistic expectations are key! Read this amazing Atlantic piece discussing what nobody remembers about new motherhood.
(B)resting after birth.
These handy links will take you to some information about two big deal topics. 1) Postpartum rest and 2) a bonanza of breastfeeding and lactation info.
In the postpartum rest guide you'll see why you taking it easy the first weeks after birth are good for your own recovery, can help ease your baby's adjustment into this big and busy world, and create ripples that make long-term life easier for the whole family (and your future fertility too).
In the breastfeeding guide you'll see tips for promoting healthy / increased milk supply, decreasing an overabundant milk supply and more. Read them ahead of time, come back as needed.
Validation.
The Last Days of Pregnancy: A Place of In-Between is a lovely article on how tender the emotions are in the final days of pregnancy.
In The Birth of a Mother from the NY Times you'll read about why becoming a mother is a hard but powerful time in your life and and opportunity to "rebrand."
And perhaps my latest FAVORITE thing for every mom to check out The Maternal Stress Project Substack. Gah! I love this so much. We MUST talk about how hard motherhood really is. It will help challenge unhealthy norms, change systems and culture, and shift to prioritize maternal health over sacrificing the mom for the sake of the baby. Because — spoiler — that mindset is old-fashioned and not healthy for either mom or baby.
Baby proof your relationship.
Check out this great conversation about getting proactive about protecting your relationship leading up to birth and beyond.
NPR’s Life Kit Episode About Caring for a Newborn
Emotional support in MN.
There are really caring, lovely people who want to help if you need support. Remember, a big part of postpartum mental health is about hormonal fluctuation. If you aren’t feeling safe or supported there is no shame in reaching out!
Pregnancy / Postpartum Support MN
Additional Mental Health Resources
There’s an app for that.
Wherever you are, I recommend the awesome subscription app Mahmee — especially if you’re a woman of color! This app was “designed to help women during the weeks and months after they've given birth, via a mobile app that's designed to better connect new moms with health care and support, offering tools like surveys to assess their postpartum emotional and physical health. The goal? To reduce maternal deaths and complications.” Cool, right?! You can learn more about Mahmee in this writing from NPR.
Comfort and healing.
Here’s a post of mine that teaches you how to make handy little healing burritos for any perineal tenderness or tears ahead of time and store in the freezer. The fluid is great for perineal irrigation bottles too - and if you don’t know what that is, be sure to ask your L&D nurse to show you and take it home when you leave the hospital (take all the mesh undies and pads too)!
Blood building.
Did you know? Blood and milk come from the same source — milk is filtered blood! Pregnancy can lead to anemia and even in the best birth scenario you will lose blood. Ask your doctor about adding blood-building iron and eat foods that will build your blood back up more quickly. I like Floradix liquid iron & herbs as it doesn't make most people constipated. Get it on Amazon or at the local co-op in the red bottle.
My favorite pregnancy and parenting books.
For owning and reclaiming your power as you navigate all the opinions, research, and anecdotes you’ll come across as you approach birth, breastfeeding, and beyond — Like A Mother by Angela Garbes is a fantastic read that I can’t recommend highly enough!
For body and baby care questions it's best to NOT have to go on the internet. Instead have actual actual solid answers at your finger tips without the freak out factor of bad online info. Enter The Baby Book by Dr. Martha and Bill Sears. This is the best resource for lots and lots of solid answers to your random newborn questions. Why does my baby sneeze a lot? Is green poop okay? How do you get that booger out of a tiny nostril? These are just some of the questions I've consulted The Baby Book on! Disclosure: I do NOT agree with this book when it comes to immunizations, but the rest of the info is really helpful.
For mental health and sanity I love the book Momma Zen by Karen Maezen Miller! If you like the mantras you've learned with me and want to "drop the arrows" of would haves, should haves, and cultural pressures to be a perfect mom, this is great nightstand (or toilet!) reading to help remind you of a much more balanced and sane approach.
Hooray for nearing birthdays and homestretches!
Nicole
Nicole Lange
ACUPUNCTURIST
FERTILITY EDUCATOR
