Gratitude is great for your health and fertility — especially if you do it right.

I know gratitude seems like a pretty touchy-feely topic. But there’s actually some really cool research showing that it offers very real health benefits, especially when times are hard — as in, when facing infertility challenges, grief, IVF, pregnancy after infertility, parenting after infertility, and loads more. Gratitude just so happens to be one of my most favorite and natural go-to tools to keep in balance. I do love me some gratitude!

But first thing’s first.

There’s a much more useful way to ‘do gratitude,' and a not-so-hot — maybe even hurtful — way. So let’s establish what’s what.

The most useful type of gratitude is specific.

Look around. I bet there’s at least a dozen things you can see that you would be sad to give up. It might be a beam of natural light coming through a window. The warmth of a radiator. The cool of a fan. A soft disposable tissue for your allergic runny nose. Your favorite pillows on your comfy bed. These things are specific and concrete. And although they might not feel like the broad, sweeping sorts of things we Americans tend to think about when we practice gratitude, research says specific, concrete gratitude is actually way more potent when it comes to making positive health ripples.

So, saying or writing it down, “I’m thankful for my friends,” is pretty… meh.

But, “I’m grateful that my friend Vannessa and I had a fall cocktail, delicious burgers, and spent two hours chatting about things like death culture and grief over happy hour.” Well? It’s incredibly specific and potent!

Also, welcome to my kinda happy hour.

Amplify your gratitude by expressing it.

Notice that part above about ‘saying or writing it down.’ You can make gratitude even more powerful by externalizing and expressing it! Say what was lovely about your day out loud at dinner or on your dog walk. Write it down in a daily journal. Ring a bell you set next to your computer and say one nice thing about your day before you leave your desk. Send a text to your friend to tell them you’re thinking of them. I actually just texted Vannessa BTW :)

So, to recap, the most helpful gratitude when it comes to making positive health ripples should be both very specific, and expressed or externalized!

Why broad and sweeping gratitude isn’t as good.

If specificity while expressing gratitude is more potent, then it’s easy to infer that broad and sweeping gratitude isn’t going to be as powerful. There’s nothing terrible about being grateful for your partner (yawn) or your house (snooze). It’s just way better to say, “I love the wallpaper in my bathroom,” or “My husband is dreamy when he sings that Tragically Hip song on karaoke.”

Again, welcome to my world.

Fake, false, and forced gratitude is even worse.

False gratitude is a first-cousin to toxic positivity. You don’t have to say you’re grateful for a failed IVF or miscarriage. You don’t have to learn any lessons from rotten, unfair experiences. Now, you certainly still can — I’d argue it’s healthiest to choose that path if possible — but that’s not the same as saying you’re grateful for the unfair, bad thing.

Lemme give you an example. I’m so unbelievably thankful for the life and person I’ve become, and much of that is a direct result of my early life trauma and sexual assault. But that doesn’t mean I have to be thankful for being raped. The former is about my choice, power, and world view. The latter would be inauthentic and harmful. So pick things you really and truly are thankful for. There’s plenty to pick from, especially once you start to practice gratitude more and more.

So keep it specific and expressed and avoid generic or fake. Voila! You’ll be making all sorts of nice shifts!

“The more you practice the art of thankfulness, the more you have to be thankful for.”
- Normal Vincent Peale

The amazing health benefits of gratitude.

A lot of cool research on gratitude is being done at UC Berkley — check out their Institute for the Greater Good if you’re into this sort of thing. But here are some of the amazing positive health outcomes that have been linked to gratitude practice.

• A large 2023 meta-analysis suggests that gratitude promotes better mental health and increases healthy lifestyle behaviors, while also improving cardiovascular outcomes via a possible positive impact on biomarkers of cardiovascular function and improved regulation of the nervous system.

• Practicing externalized gratitude predicted lower heart rate and blood pressure, better sleep quality, more exercise, less stress, more positive expectations and reflections, and greater feelings of appreciation toward others.

• Gratitude can lead to reduced inflammatory responses through its threat-reducing effects.

• Gratitude seems to function to promote relationship formation and maintenance by stimulating the release of oxytocin (“the love hormone”) which acts as social glue and “binds adults into meaningful and important relationships.”

• A study of people who’d survived missile attacks in war zones showed gratitude may serve as a protective factor to decrease PTSD through cultivating a greater appreciation of life.

• Another study showed gratitude predicted less depression and anxiety symptoms, not only due to its association with improved relationships with others, but also because it is connected to a less critical, less punishing, and more compassionate relationship with the self.

• Gratitude seems to act as an independent protective factor against stress and burnout.

And this is just the tip of the research iceberg! Research has measured gratitude contributes to changes in everything from where and how the brain is activated, immune system and hormone changes, and circulatory, respiratory, and digestive shifts — all for the better. These all make huge ripples for improving fertility!

If you’re not sure why this all connects so powerfully to your own fertility outcomes, I really encourage you to go and watch my Single Biggest Fertility Concept video next.

How do you practice gratitude?

I’ve given you lots of ideas already throughout post, but remember, the key is to make whatever your’e doing specific and outwardly expressed. The sky’s the limit.

I’ve got loads more exercises and lessons, including some specific gratitude ideas and practices for protecting your relationship in the thick of infertility, in my complete The Baby You Want online course. It teaches you how to connect the dots between everything from hormones and reproductive nuts and bolts, to true health, holism, gratitude, rest, joy, and connection. It’s a fabulous way to work on your body, fertility, mind, and life — to get the thriving and abundant baby (and world) you really hope for.

I’ll also add a few links to my very favorite gratitude inspiration below. I hope you love them as much as I do. I’m grateful you read through this whole post. Shoot me an email to tell me what you think. I’d love to connect or hear an update!

With an overflowing heart,

Nicole

MY GRATITUDE FAVES

Watch this video from SOULPANCAKE that makes me misty every time.

Soak up the stunning images and ideas in this TEDTalk on nature and gratitude.

Yuck it up noticing how great kids are at coming up with concrete things to be grateful for in this Kid President video.

Set aside some time each day for an essay from Ross Gay’s Book of Delights.

Pick up one of leading gratitude researchers Robert Emmon’s many books all about gratitude.

Nicole Lange

LICENSED ACUPUNCTURIST
HOLISTIC FERTILITY EDUCATOR